They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
