I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
