Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
