i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
