i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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