im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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