The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
