dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
either way he was missing a nipple.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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