Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
BRING THE BAGELS
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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