I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
