hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
