i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
