I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
