you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
