Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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