So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
