Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
