in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
