I wish I could teleport
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
