dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
