Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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