I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
