Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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