omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My life is pants optional.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
