I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
