I smell stomach acid.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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