it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
