3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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