he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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