So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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