i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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