She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
