Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
