in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
