a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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