Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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