Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
