He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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