I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
