It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
