This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
