My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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