I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
