Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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