Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
