I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
