Christians are straight up FREAKS
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I could make wine with my vomit
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
