I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
