Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
