Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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