I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
