She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just googled if crying burns calories
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
