I can tuck mytits in my pants
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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