Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
