The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
