omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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