I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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