He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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