I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
