If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
