last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
