you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
