I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
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Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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