dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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