Where are you?
In a non slutty way
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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