new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
