and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
