Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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