I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
