I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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