Having a random hookup so left but love u
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
