What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
