This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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