i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
