I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
