I didn't shave. On purpose
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
