I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
